So, what now?

Last night our Parliament voted for war. Despite a country divided, but with a slim majority against war, the British Parliament has convincingly voted for war. On the main motion, 412 MPs supported the government, and 149 voted against. The real test was the rebel amendment, stating the case for war had not been made, which received 217 votes for it, and 396 against.

So what now? For the rebel MPs, I imagine they will generally fall behind the government - Parliament has spoken. Some will still be vocal opponents to the war, as is right, but not the numbers we have seen recently. For the stop the war movement, who knows? Traditionally the population will swing behind the government when war starts. Will this happen now? If it does, will it severely marginalise the anti-war movement? I don't pretend to know. This isn't about what will happen to these big players. This is about what I will do.

I find it hard to express the emotions I feel right now. It is a strange mixture of anger, disappointment, impotence, apathy and sorrow. Most of all, sorrow. Almost overwhelming sorrow.

A few months ago, the United Nations was truly united. There was a real desire to see the issue of Iraq dealt with, dealt with multilaterally. And yet in those few short months, we have seen the UN fall apart. Now we are isolated, our country tagging along with the last super-power, without the courage or conviction to tell the US when it is wrong. This country of ours, a once great country, a country I was proud of, is now reduced to being the diplomatic figleaf of the US, a vassal state of an arrogant empire. How can any of us be happy with that? How can we think this in some way helps our international standing? The US looks like a petulant child, storming out of the UN as it couldn't get its own way, shouting and bawling it was someone else's fault, when it is perfectly clear they had no chance of getting the votes they needed in the Security Council. And we run along behind.

I don't know if it is just me, but all I can remember is schoolyard bullies - there always seem to be a small kid hanging around with the biggest bully, egging him on. What an embarrassing role for the UK. And yet it is a role that the two main political parties seem to have embraced with relish. And that is what fills me with sorrow, with disappointment.

And the worst part is, I know that nothing I personally do will change a thing. Oh, I can write to my MP, I can go along to my constituency meetings of the Labour Party, but let's be honest, it won't do a damn thing. My MP won't want to rock the boat. She'll quite rightly say that Parliament has spoken, that it is unlikely to change its mind. The constituency officers, the delegates from branches, they won't want to cause trouble. They too know that they can't change anything. The Labour Party as a whole has been beaten into a supine mass. The rebellions today were the last gasp of a dying party, the last gasp of the left in the Labour Party, which will soon become even more openly a purely centrist party - a social democratic party, not a socialist party. Dissent with the establishment will soon be dead in politics. And so I know I am powerless, impotent, and I know it is not just me. And there is the apathy - better people than I know they cannot achieve anything, so what is the point in me trying?

But then there is the anger. A deep, burning anger. This is not a feeling that will burn out. Those angers, those flashes of rage before quiescence, those I have had before. But this feeling scares me with its intensity. This will not fade.

This anger is caused by the duplicity of the Prime Minister of my country. He said he believed in the UN. He said he would work with the UN. He said international opinion was important. He gave very specific circumstances which he said were the only ones under which he would go to war without a Security Council resolution. And he has lied.

I believe in the principle of the UN - that collective agreements are what can bring about peace and security for this world. And belief in that principle can mean you have to face hard decisions, and face disappointment when your views are not held by the rest of the members. Stopping unprovoked aggression is not just something you do for countries you like, it is something you do for all, because justice is blind. International law demands all countries are treated equally. But we are not doing that, we are breaking the law, breaking the UN Charter, and perhaps ultimately breaking the UN. That is simply wrong, no equivocation. And that my country is doing this fills me with anger.

And this anger is why I will be going to protest in my city centre on the day war breaks out, as suggested by the Stop the War coalition. This anger is why I will be travelling to London on Saturday to protest about the war. This anger is what is driving me on now, driving me to write this, driving me to take a stand. Politics in this country has been practically dead for too long now. The people of Britain have been too easily convinced that they cannot change anything, that they must accept the tiny differences offered by the main parties, that they will be told by their betters what is best for them. Well, no more, not for this man. I won't be told that I cannot change anything. I will not be told that I should know my betters, that I should do as I am told, that I should just knuckle down, do my job, ignore the big picture because we just don't understand. I have had enough of being patronised, no matter how nicely they do it. No more. This is the issue that has pushed me too far. This is the issue that will make me make a change. This is the issue which will mark the beginning of the end for this managerial period of British politics. Mark my words, the tide has turned.